If you are a therapist who has ever had a client who was contemplating divorce, smack in the middle of a divorce, or still reeling from post-divorce issues, please answer these important questions:
1. Do you believe that if you “help” couples get divorced, that constitutes “aiding and abetting” them to break up their family?
2. Do you think you are “helping” clients by working to keep them together when it’s obvious that their relationship is irreparable?
3. Do you believe that if you learn more about divorce, that means you condone divorce?
4. Have you ever seen a course offered specifically on the subject of divorce and thought, “I don’t need to take a class on that?!”
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions (even if you’d never admit it to anyone else), then I highly recommend you get more educated about divorce — and take a serious look at your own unconscious beliefs about marital dissolution.
Whenever I give a class or workshop to therapists on the subject, the first question I ask participants is how they feel about divorce. The answers vary from, “I think it’s wrong,” to, “It’s no big deal.” But far too many therapists believe that it is their job to keep couples together and that if they can’t, that they have failed. But why?